Women generally seek counseling more often than men. One major struggle couples face with couples counseling, marriage counseling, or relationship counseling, is that males often do not want to go. Many men have been raised to hope that ignoring problems will make them disappear or at least be forgotten. Most of my friends would rather talk about anything other than their feelings about their relationship.
Having a male couple counselor or male marriage therapist can help put many men at ease. Some men are more comfortable talking about their sex life with another man. I’d like to think I’m a guys guy who can also talk about relationships. I love sports, I like the outdoors, I like technology, I like to fix things. Most of my friends are guys who get together to drink beer and tell jokes. I’d also like to think I can relate to women and was raised to embrace my logical and emotional sides of the brain. Sometimes it helps women in marriage counseling to have a neutral man describe that sometimes men are just dumb (see, I can say that because I can be a dumb male sometimes) and what seems like malice is just ignorance or obliviousness.
I love couples counseling because it can be incredibly impactful. Every couple has different goals, but most are to improve their relationship. Relationships and connectedness are vital parts of the human experience. Marriage and couples counseling really can be transformative. I use the Gottman method and Emotion-Focused Therapy and person-centered therapy, and good old-fashioned common sense based on past experiences to help couples. Engaged couples can benefit from premarital counseling, and the male often stated they enjoyed having someone who could relate to them about their hopes and aspirations for marriage.
Many men wonder if they will have to talk about their feelings and emotions the whole time. While that might be a part of marriage counseling, there is much more. Many men prefer worksheets and handouts to free-form talking. Many men prefer the more directive nature of couples therapy and the problem-solving aspects. Some guys feel more comfortable talking to a male counselor about the couple’s financial health.
If you are working with your partner as a couple or you are working on relationship by yourself, a guy counselor can provide a unique perspective about you or your partner. This perspective can help improve your relationship.
Men asked to try couples therapy often worry that their counselor will side with their partner. I don’t know if that happens, but I indeed work to be unbiased, non-judgmental, and objective. Couples therapy isn’t always easy, or at least every part of it isn’t always easy, but I try to bring positivity and light-heartedness to every session. I do take it as a compliment when men say, “wow, I thought this would be horrible, but it was what I needed and wasn’t that bad.” Usually, the complements are more favorable than that, but any chance to help a couple meet their goals through relationship counseling is a plus.
See a related post about 5 reasons to work with a male relationship counselor.
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