Sex and Romance

It depends on how sexual therapy is defined. There are sex therapists who focus almost exclusively on sex in marriage or with couples or multiple partners. We can pay attention to sexual difficulties, partner factors, individual vulnerability factors, cultural or religious aspects, medical concerns (to a degree), intersectionality, and gender roles, among others. Unfortunately, some focus too much on how to feel good in bed and not enough on the emotional side of the experience. Sex is a vital part of most long-term relationships, so for us, it’s not therapy in and of itself but part of couples therapy or relationship therapy. Many of our conversations about sex involve foreplay as an all-week experience that happens way before the bedroom, your friendship, and your emotional intimacy first. Handouts and homework are given to allow you to spice things up to your comfort level if you desire. We may refer to an ASSECT-certified sex therapist for some concerns where we just don’t have enough training (e.g. BDSM, KINK).

You don’t have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. The hope is that you will see sex as part of a committed relationship as a standard and essential part of the relationship and not feel any shame.

Yes, it is possible. However, the focus typically needs to start with rebuilding trust.

This decision is fully supported. The first time is often awkward, and the pressure of a wedding night can add more stress. You will figure it out or learn ways to have a rewarding sex life.

That depends on where you are and what you need. It may start with planning how you can have a romantic date. It may involve talking about an affair. It could entail talking about your specific needs or briefly discussing possible medical causes for sex issues. It could include treating sex addiction or referring you to a sex addiction specialist. It could involve giving you handouts for new things to try to spice things up. You may be given exercises with specific sex therapy techniques to try in the privacy of your own home.

Hopefully, this will change over time. Sex is a strong and basic biological need. There is no need to discuss intimate details in therapy, and conversations usually don’t go beyond PG-13. Over time and at your comfort level, you are free to share more.

Cardinal Point Counseling is located in Dublin, Ohio, near Columbus, Hilliard, Upper Arlington, Worthington, and Westerville. If you are looking to focus on learning specific sexual techniques, we can help to some degree. If the focus is on sexual performance and not the root causes, we may be able to refer you to someone else. Much of what is pathologized about sex (e.g., erectile dysfunction) may not be a problem that needs drug treatment if the root causes are addressed.

Our attitude aligns with the Gottman’s in that our society overly pathologizes sexual dysfunction. The media and other sources often portray that sex should be magical every time, with each partner having mind-blowing and simultaneous orgasms. This is not reality. If say, a man has an occasional premature ejaculation, but the couple can connect, is that failure? There may be referrals necessary for medication or discussion around some techniques to help, but occasional “sexual dysfunction” is normal

If sex and romance is something you want to work on, ways to improve can be discussed throughout counseling. We do not consider sex therapy to be a unique entity to be treated outside of the whole relationship. Nothing is discussed that is outside your comfort level. However, studies show that couples who can openly discuss their sex lives (even if in private and not in counseling) have better relationships and better sex lives.

Cardinal Point Counseling may be able to help you with a lot of your concerns. If your concerns are above our expertise or you want to focus purely on increasing sexual pleasure, we can refer you to someone with that focus.

Yes, the problems are often deeper than sexual compatibility. There are likely other issues with your relationship or how you communicate about sex, leading to other problems. Sometimes, there is no intimacy in a relationship from the husband, and sometimes, there is no intimacy from the wife. The same applies to unmarried couples, gay couples or polyamorous groups.

No. What you talk about is up to you. You may prefer sex handouts that you can discuss privately at home.

Yes, the GottSex toolkit from the Gottman Institute, paired with sexual therapy, can help you have a more passionate and romantic relationship. A sexless marriage can affect a woman. A sexless marriage can affect a man. A sexless marriage can affect homosexual couples. We can also help if there is a lack of sex in a relationship.

Yes. Although each man and woman are different. You can learn techniques like how to initiate and refuse sex and how to discuss what you like and don’t like, and Gottman worksheets and handouts can help you learn how to give a more pleasurable experience. You can learn about what gives your partner female arousal or male arousal.

This involves getting to the root cause of the loss of interest. There are almost an infinite number of factors. It could be a decreased libido, a loss of connection, or stress from outside the relationship. Knowing your situation and applying an appropriate intervention(s) could be helpful.

Yes, online counseling is available in Columbus, Ohio, or anywhere in Ohio.