Grief can be unbearable. Loss can change your life. Cathy Dye is our resident grief and trauma expert. Have you lost someone you love? Or has your loss been different? Maybe the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, or infidelity? Regardless of the type of loss you have experienced, it can feel life-altering. It can be life-altering.
How to Treat Grief
Therapeutically, we treat grief in a variety of different ways. We use several methods, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and several special methods of therapy specifically designed for grief treatment such as: Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief, and the Gestalt “Empty Chair Technique.” As therapists, we feel that our patients progress best when they understand what is going on. So we like to explain to my patients exactly why they are feeling what they are feeling. We explain the cognitive processes behind the big feelings and help them understand what’s happening, clinically. And this helps people feel 1) much less anxious, because they know why they feel so weird, but also 2) like they can conquer their problems. Understanding and knowledge gives us power, and I feel that is so important for my clients to have. What we understand, we can work through. It’s not so scary anymore.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is a unique kind of therapy where the therapist and patient start by identifying negative thoughts and beliefs and then work to either change or replace those beliefs. In grief therapy, sometimes we have negative beliefs about ourselves or the losses we experience, such as: “I should have done something,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m alone.” In therapy we work to address the core of these beliefs – feelings of guilt or worthlessness, in this case, and replace those beliefs with new ones to help us cope with our feelings of loss and move forward.
The Gestalt “Empty Chair Technique”
This method is a therapeutic approach which you and your therapist should decide if it is right for you. This method can be emotionally intense, and should only be used with patients who have the ability to use coping mechanisms taught to them in therapy before this method is introduced. This technique is used as a form of talk therapy, and the individual and therapist work together to create an environment where the patient envisions themselves talking to the person who is “lost.” To create this environment, the therapist sits out of sight and the patient sits facing an empty chair. The patient speaks to the empty chair as if they are speaking to the “lost” person, and tells them all that they wish they could have said since their last meeting. It can be a very therapeutic process, and is sometimes modified into other forms such as: writing letters and burning them or attaching them to balloons, etc.
“Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.
Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Giant
Frequently Asked Questions
Grief can be overwhelming, but therapy can help. Please don’t feel like your loss is something you have to carry alone. Some common questions about grief therapy are:
There is no timeline for grief. Often people move in and out of the stages of grief in waves. It is common to describe the feelings of grief in waves, like the ocean. Sometimes an individual might feel fine, and at a moment’s notice, they might be devastated by their loss once more. The grieving process is different and unique for each person and for each loss.
Again, the timeline varies greatly for each individual, but most people agree that loss gets easier to live with over time. The pain might still be there, you might always love and miss the person you have lost, but with therapy and time, it is possible to begin to heal.
This also varies greatly for each person. Generally, as a therapist, I start to see marked improvement in my patients around the six month timeframe. However, each patient is different. Some have higher needs than others. We can talk about what kind of therapeutic treatment is right for you. As we get to know each other, we will have a better idea of your individual and unique needs.
Again, the timeline varies greatly for each individual, but most people agree that loss gets easier to live with over time. The pain might still be there, you might always love and miss the person you have lost, but with therapy and time, it is possible to begin to heal.
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