Professional Couples

Transform your life!

Achieve Balance to Help Common Issues

Whether one or both of you have a demanding, professional, or executive-level job, you may have unique problems. I have spent a large part of my career in corporate America, working for C-Suite executives and others. I have worked in high-visibility and high-profile careers. While many benefits are associated with having a successful work life, those with high-profile jobs or those who consider themselves professional couples or "power couples" often struggle with romantic relationships. Marriages can be particularly difficult for entrepreneurs. Many professional couples who are engaged may benefit by talking about how their careers will intersect with their marriages through premarital therapy.

Our society may attack you for having unearned privilege and may not appreciate all you do. Perhaps you have had advantages that others haven't, but that does not mean your relationship is thriving or that your job is easy. Higher-level careers may come with higher salaries that you grow used to and also come with higher pressure, stress, anxiety, responsibility, and accountability. Keeping this stress separate from your relationship or marriage is not easy.

Strong "Power" Couples Should Seek Assistance

Power Couple Young Man and Woman Lift Weights in the GymEven the most glamorous, high-achieving couples on the outside can face challenges behind closed doors. You, as a power couple, aren’t immune to the same relationship issues that plague everyone else. One common hurdle you might face is the “power struggle” phase. Here, you may find it difficult to navigate whose achievements or goals take priority, leading to competition and resentment. You don’t both have to have outside employment to be a power couple. Those who raise children at home may have the toughest jobs of all.

Drive can Overshadow Relationships

Furthermore, the drive that propels you both to the top can sometimes overshadow the relationship itself. You may become so focused on your own careers that quality time and emotional intimacy fall by the wayside. This intense focus can then exacerbate external pressures. The constant pressure to maintain a perfect image and deal with public scrutiny can take a toll on even the strongest couples. Consequently, you may struggle to find a healthy balance between your public personas and your private lives.

Moreover, both of you being highly successful can lead to a need to be “better” than the other. This competitiveness, while perhaps a fuel for your individual achievements, can breed insecurity within the relationship. It can make it difficult to celebrate each other’s wins, fostering a sense of rivalry rather than partnership.

Finally, your lifestyles may be far removed from the average couple. This lack of “normalcy” can make it difficult to relate to others and can create a sense of isolation within the relationship. Without shared experiences or a connection to a broader community, you may find yourselves drifting apart.

Despite these challenges, strong communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to the relationship can help you weather the storms. Therapy can also be a valuable tool. In fact, by working with a therapist, you can navigate complex dynamics and foster healthy communication, ultimately strengthening your bond.

Professional Couples Want Solutions

solution concept You may get frustrated with projects at work often taking more time than is ideal. Such is likely also true with couples or marriage counseling. Changing negative cycles at home that work so well at work is doable but difficult. Professional couples need to trust their provider in the counseling office too. While feedback is welcome, trying to solve problems too quickly without getting to the emotional core is both challenging and necessary.

Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool for power couples to navigate their unique challenges. Here are some solutions therapists might focus on:

  • Communication Techniques: Therapists can equip you with communication tools to navigate tricky conversations about power dynamics, competing goals, and managing public personas. This might involve active listening exercises, identifying underlying emotions, and expressing needs assertively. And, these techniques will likely not be enough when things get heated or competitive. All couples need to learn to access and regulate their emotions.

  • Resolving Power Struggles: A therapist can act as a neutral mediator to help you untangle the complexities of power within the relationship. They can guide you in finding win-win solutions, fostering collaboration, and establishing healthy boundaries around individual careers.

  • Rekindling Intimacy: The intense focus on work can leave intimacy by the wayside. Therapists can help you create strategies for prioritizing quality time, building emotional connection, and fostering physical intimacy.

  • Addressing Competition: Therapists can help you identify the root of competitive urges and work towards celebrating each other’s successes. They may introduce exercises like “gratitude journaling” or suggest ways to find healthy competition outside the relationship.

  • Coping with External Pressures: Therapists can provide guidance on managing public scrutiny and maintaining a healthy work-life balance. This might involve setting boundaries with media, creating a private space within your lives, and developing stress-management techniques.

  • Building a Support System: The isolation that comes with an extraordinary lifestyle can be addressed by therapists. I might suggest finding couples in similar situations or exploring ways to connect with a broader community.

Remember, therapy is a collaborative process. I will tailor solutions to your specific needs and help you create a roadmap for a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

What Works at Work Doesn’t Always Work at Home

Couple at home

You may be used to having people listen to you at work, but when you dig deep, you find that you expect your partner to do the same at home. If both of you are type-A, you may get into arguments over little things, where the fight shifts from solving a problem to winning. You may expect your workers to come to you with solutions rather than problems. Your partner may want to connect with you and share their day. Having healthy talks about issues can sometimes come across as whining if you want solutions. You may revert to work mode and fix every problem instead of just being there to listen emphatically. It may be helpful to explore a post about work-life balance.

While the ambition and drive that propel power couples to success in the boardroom can be a strength, it can translate poorly to their home lives. At work, clear hierarchies and defined goals might lead to efficient teamwork. At home, however, this same dynamic can morph into a power struggle, with resentment brewing if one partner feels constantly unheard or overshadowed. Additionally, the competitive spirit that fuels their professional achievements can become a barrier to intimacy. Constant “one-upmanship” leaves little room for vulnerability and emotional connection, which are crucial for a healthy relationship.

Possible Results

The Gottman Method and Couples Institute have powerful tools to get you started. As helpful as they can be, they only go so far. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you access and de-escalate the primary emotions you perhaps didn’t know you had. Having a counselor who can individualize to your needs can be very helpful.

Marriage counseling can be a game-changer for power couples. I act as a skilled coach and therapist, providing you with the tools and strategies to navigate the complexities of your high-powered lives.

Expected Changes from Power Couples

  • From Power Struggle to Power Sharing: Therapists can guide you through untangling the web of power dynamics. They’ll help you move from a win-lose mentality to collaborative solutions. This might involve setting clear boundaries around individual careers while fostering a sense of teamwork within the relationship.

  • Intimacy Oasis Amidst the Chaos: Remember when you used to steal away for romantic weekends? Therapists can help you reclaim that spark. They might suggest strategies for scheduling quality time, building emotional connection through shared activities, and even reigniting physical intimacy.

  • Competition: From Threat to Teamwork: That competitive drive that took you both to the top can become a double-edged sword. Therapists can help you identify the root of this need to “one-up” each other and encourage you to celebrate each other’s successes. Techniques like “gratitude journaling” or finding healthy outlets for competition outside the relationship can foster a more supportive dynamic.

  • Fortress Against External Pressures: The constant glare of the spotlight can be exhausting. But therapists can equip you with the tools to manage public scrutiny. This might involve setting boundaries with the media, creating a private sanctuary within your lives, and developing effective stress-management techniques.

  • Building Your Cohort: The isolation that comes with an extraordinary lifestyle can be isolating. Therapists can help you build a support system. This could involve finding couples who understand the unique challenges you face or exploring ways to connect with a broader community that shares your interests.

Remember, therapy is a journey, not a destination. By working with a skilled therapist, you can navigate the twists and turns of your power couple relationship and emerge stronger, more connected, and ready to conquer whatever life throws your way.

Common Objections

The following are common objections.

I have a hectic schedule, and so does my partner. So how do I possibly find time for counseling?

Time management may be something to discuss. Counseling appointments are 50 minutes and can be conducted via telehealth for convenience. While meeting once a week at first may be recommended, it is not required. If you and your partner have created a life where 50 minutes every week or every other week is unavailable for the most important part of your life, we may need to re-evaluate your priorities. If you are an executive couple with high work demands, it may be necessary to try and find some balance (as difficult as that may be).

Other counselors have told me to work less or put less emphasis on my career, but they don't seem to understand my situation.

Your job may not allow you to work less. You may not want to work less. Having a counselor with professional experience who “gets it” can help you find ways to build your relationship without sacrificing your career goals.

I need counseling to be very efficient and to the point. Will that be the case?

I am a stickler for starting and ending on time. Your time is precious, and so is mine. I try to be efficient, but some counseling activities take time. If you are not getting what you need, feedback is welcome. Some counseling activities take time and patience, though. The degree of patience required may be greater than what you experience in business meetings or work tasks. Counseling is individualized to your needs, so you can hopefully cut out what you don't need and would get with a one-size-fits-all all approach.

Many of us were raised to solve our own problems. So shouldn’t I be able to solve issues with myself and my relationship?

People have evolved a need for connection. People need at least one person with whom to be vulnerable. The idea of self-reliance may lead to career success but hurt our most important relationships, especially for professional couples. Learning to open up, show our flaws, and be vulnerable with at least one other is a core human need.

Why Choose Aaron Engel of Cardinal Point Counseling?

Aaron Engel

There is nothing wrong with getting training in one method of couples therapy. One can become a real specialist. Multiple methods may work great for some and not very well for others . Having the training and experience to integrate multiple models and tailor to your experience is my preferred approach.

Read my bio and see if I sound like a good fit. This website has a wealth of information, but you may also schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

Clients often say I have a calm manner and way about my self that makes them feel safe and puts them at ease. My background working in Corporate America doesn’t hurt either when it comes to working with professional couples.

Having a marriage or couples therapist who can relate to you is essential. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find a therapist who has worked extensively in corporate America and in high-level positions. However, techniques like the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can complement talk therapy related to your situation.