Do your values match your actions?
When many people are asked what is most important to them, they will say “their relationship,” or “their marriage” or “their family.” What is often discovered in counseling is that people feel like this “should” be the most important part of life, but many people do not follow what they believe or say what they think they should say. This can also signify that the relationship needs attention, so the couple wants to spend time together. Working couples often have extra difficulty finding the time. You can read more about work-life balance or life-work balance.
Where people spend their time is typically indicative of what they value. This isn’t to say that some people value their relationship but feel the best way to support it is through activities such as work. Time creates opportunities for bonding, listening, being in touch with your partner, and connection. This also isn’t to say that activities like spending time with friends and having personal activities aren’t important for some to recharge their batteries.
Making intentional time to do things like date nights can be a great way to keep a relationship going. Date nights don’t have to be elaborate. While nice romantic dinners at expensive restaurants can be fun and exciting, a game night at home can be just as rewarding. Perhaps grabbing takeout and just having a conversation about your day is all that is needed. One free tool that can help a relationship is the Gottman Card Decks app. A key for many couples is scheduling this time and sticking to it whenever possible. And if an app is not enough, marriage counseling or relationship counseling may complement your treatment.
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