Sex and Romance

Marriage and sex

Is Your Relationship Losing Passion?

Are you not having sex or having sex but not making love? The problem often has more to do with how you interact in everyday life than what physical positions you choose. Foreplay occurs way before you get to the bedroom. It is about how you interact throughout your lives. Do any of the following impact your relationship?

  • We stopped being intimate
  • There is sex but it feels robotic
  • There is not enough love in love making
  • Sex and intimacy seem forced or scheduled
  • We don’t feel the connection we once felt when being intimate
  • Your partner has a sex addiction

If any of the above impacts your relationship, therapy related to sex may be what you need. Finding the right sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio is an important step.


It is Normal to Lose Passion in a Relationship

When most people start in a relationship, they are focused on pleasing and impressing their partner. The human brain is wired to dismiss faults in a partner for the first couple of years after a relationship begins. There may be fewer responsibilities (kids, finances, living together, etc.). It is easy to have passion when a connection is new and fresh. As a relationship goes on, people tend to take their partner for granted. As people spend more time living together, their time can seem less remarkable than when it was mostly about dates. Work responsibilities can increase, leaving a couple too tired for sex at night. Finding a babysitter for a date night or having the time and energy to make it happen can become a chore. Losing passion is especially prevalent if there has been an affair, and processing that occurrence may need to happen first.

Solutions

We use the Gottman Method’s GotSex kit to help you rekindle the passion. While there may eventually be a need to learn about new positions or ways to spice things up, that is typically not the reason for lack of intimacy. The GottSex kit is a collection of tools, homework assignments, and short sex videos (all PG or PG-13 and videos talking about sex rather than showing the act) to help you learn how to connect better. The tools work best when working with a Columbus, Ohio sex therapist. It is essential to understand that sex can improve as couples get older and help it improve through increased knowledge of one another, as well as improved connection. It is vital to know how to express what you need and say no without causing your partner to feel personally rejected. You do not need to talk about things that make you uncomfortable, but if sex is a concern in your relationship, it is crucial to learn to feel comfortable talking about it.


There is Hope

Regarding some of the problems listed above, proven methods work for many couples.

  • We stopped being intimate

This requires looking at the root cause and discussing why the problem is occurring so specific interventions can fix it.

  • There is sex but it feels robotic

There may be a need for more foreplay. This includes how you interact during the day. How you share housework. Whether you give affirming statements and how you know and address each of your partner’s love languages.

  • There is not enough love in love making

This is similar to the response above. Having a connection is vital for lovemaking. However, there are some occasions where having less passionate sex is still positive for the relationship.

  • Sex and intimacy seem forced or scheduled

Looking at your life goals, values, and priorities can help you ensure you have the energy for passionate sex.

  • We don’t feel the connection we once felt when being intimate

The GottSex toolkit can help you rekindle that passion and potentially increase it over time.

Common Questions and Concerns about Couples, Marriage, and Sex

What is sex therapy?

It depends on how sexual therapy is defined. There are sex therapists who focus almost exclusively on sex in marriage or with couples. But, unfortunately, some focus too much on how to feel good in bed and not enough on the emotional side of the experience. Sex is a vital part of most long-term relationships, so it’s not a therapy in and of itself but part of couple therapy. We are not certified sex therapists who specialize exclusively in sex counseling or who focus primarily on positions or pleasure. Most of our conversations about sex involve talking about foreplay as an all-week experience that happens way before the bedroom. Handouts and homework are given to allow you to spice things up to your comfort level if you desire.

What if I am not comfortable talking about sex with a therapist?

You don’t have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. The hope is that you will see sex as part of a committed relationship as a standard and essential part of the relationship and not feel any shame.

Can a healthy sex life emerge if there has been an affair?

Yes, it is possible. However, the focus typically needs to start with rebuilding trust.

We are waiting to have sex until marriage but are worried that we won’t be any good without previous experience.

This decision is fully supported. The reality is that the first time is often awkward, and the pressure of a wedding night can add more stress. You will figure it out or learn ways to have a rewarding sex life.

What happens during sex therapy?

That depends on where you are and what you need. It may start with planning how you can have a romantic date. It may involve talking about an affair. It could entail talking about your specific needs. It could include treating sex addiction. While usually not the main problem with a declining spark in the relationship or marriage, it could involve giving you handouts for new things to try to spice things up. You may be given sex therapy exercises with specific sex therapy techniques to try in the privacy of your own home.

I was raised that sex was dirty and private, and I am concerned about talking about it with anyone, let alone someone I don’t know well.

Hopefully, this will change over time. Sex is a strong and basic biological need. There is no need to discuss intimate details in therapy, and conversations usually don’t go beyond PG-13. Over time and at your comfort level, you are free to share more.

Where can I find sex therapy near me or sexual counseling near me?

Cardinal Point Counseling is located in Dublin, Ohio, near Columbus, Hilliard, Upper Arlington, Worthington, and Westerville. If you are looking to focus on learning specific sexual techniques, we can help to some degree. If the focus is on sexual performance and not the root causes, we may be able to refer you to someone else. Much of what is pathologized about sex (e.g., erectile dysfunction) may not be a problem that needs drug treatment if the root causes are addressed.

Can you help with sexual dysfunction?

Our attitude is in-line with the Gottman’s, in that our society overly pathologizes and identifies sexual dysfunction. The media and other sources often portray that sex should be magical every time, with each partner having mind-blowing and simultaneous orgasms. This is not reality. If say a man has an occasional premature ejaculation but the couple was able to connect, is that failure? There may be referrals necessary for medication or discussion around some techniques to help, but occasional “sexual dysfunction” is normal

How does sex therapy work?

If sex and romance is something you want to work on, ways to improve can be discussed throughout counseling. We do not consider sex therapy to be a unique entity to be treated outside of the whole relationship. Nothing is discussed that is outside your comfort level. However, studies show that couples who can openly discuss their sex lives (even if in private and not in counseling) have a better relationship and better sex lives.

Where can I find counseling about sex and romance near me?

Cardinal Point Counseling may be able to help you with a lot of your concerns. If your concerns are above our area of expertise or you want to focus purely on increasing sexual pleasure, we can refer you to someone with that focus.

Can you help with sex problems in marriage or relationships?

Yes, the problems are often deeper than sexual compatibility. There are likely other issues with your relationship or how you communicate about sex that are leading to other problems. Sometimes there is no intimacy in a relationship from the husband and sometimes there is no intimacy in a relationship from the wife. The same applies to unmarried couples.

Do we have to talk about sex problems in Columbus Ohio marriage counseling?

No. What you talk about is up to you. You may just prefer sex handouts that you can discuss privately at home.

Can you help if we have a sexless marriage or sexless relationship?

Yes, the GottSex toolkit from the Gottman Institute paired with sexual therapy can help you have a more passionate and romantic relationship. A sexless marriage can have an effect on a woman. A sexless marriage can have an effect on a man. We can also help if there is a lack of sex in a relationship.

Can we learn things like how to pleasure a woman or how to pleasure a man?

Yes. Although each man and woman are different. You can learn techniques like how to initiate and refuse sex, how to discuss what you like and don’t like, and Gottman worksheets and handouts can help you learn how to give a more pleasurable experience. You can learn about what gives your partner female arousal or male arousal.

What if my husband has lost interest in me sexually or my wife has lost interest in me sexually? What if we have no sex in marriage?

This involves getting to the root cause of the loss of interest. There are almost an infinite number of factors. It could be a decreased libido or a loss of connection or stress from outside the marriage. Getting to know your situation and applying an appropriate intervention(s) could be helpful.

We are embarrassed to discuss our sex life in person, can we see a sex therapist online?

Yes, online counseling is available in Columbus, Ohio, or anywhere in the state of Ohio.

For additional Columbus Ohio couples counseling questions, please visit the main frequently asked questions page.

Next Steps
Wellness counseling exercise and mental healthHave questions, call 614.327.1600 or contact us


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