In his book Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs details what women and men often need (2009). While based in part on Christian Biblical principles, the book can benefit those who subscribe to Christianity, another religion, or no religion.
Although not necessarily true for every man and woman, the author contends that women need to feel loved while men need to feel respected. Eggerichs talks about what he calls the “crazy cycle.” Without love, she reacts negatively, and without respect, he reacts negatively. This cycle can appear all too often and repetitively. Eggerichs has developed acronyms for men and women to help them understand their partners.
For the man: Learn to spell love to your wife: c.o.u.p.l.e.
Closeness – she wants you to be closer.
Openness – she wants you to open up to her and share your thoughts and feelings.
Understanding – don’t try to fix her. Just listen unless she asks you to help solve a problem.
Peacemaking — she wants you to say sorry and be engaged in repair attempts.
Loyalty — she needs to know you’re committed
Esteem — she wants you to honor and cherish her
For the woman: Learn to spell respect to your husband: c.h.a.i.r.s.
Conquest — appreciate his desire to work to achieve, unless this desire becomes excessive.
Hierarchy — appreciate his desire to protect and provide
Authority — understand his willingness to serve and lead, without you being a doormat
Insight — appreciate his willingness to analyze and counsel
Relationship — appreciate his desire for friendship
Sexuality — understand his desire for sexual intimacy
The theory is that when a husband feels disrespected by his wife, he is less likely to show her love. And when a wife feels unloved by a husband, she is less likely to show him respect. It is not a healthy cycle but a cycle that often manifests.
References
Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love and Respect.
